“I am worried that I have masked for so long, it has become a way of life.”
“Will the assessors be able to ‘see’ my autism in the observation assessment?”
“Will it be a waste of my time and money?”
“Its hard to know how to be myself, how do I act in the assessment”?
You are not on your own; these are often the reservations adults have about being assessed or that parents may have around their child going through an autism assessment process.
What is social camouflaging?
It is best understood if it is broken down into three key areas: –
- Assimilation
- Compensation
- Masking
Assimilation (taking in and copying others’ behaviours)
Living in a neurotypical world can mean that you are hypervigilant and ever aware of the unwritten social rules that you feel you never got the instruction manual for. You have got it ‘wrong’ so many times in the past and don’t want that to happen again. You desperately want to fit in or fly under the radar.
You like being the listener or the observer in conversations. You may study psychology of people by reading books or watching characters on television shows and making a mental note of their non-verbal communication, their social responses and body language. You may rehearse social conversations prior to having them including looking at yourself in a mirror and practicing facial expressions.
Compensation
The act of putting into practice what you have learnt is the compensation element. This includes things such as trying to come across as more friendly, amenable, and confident perhaps in conversation. Smiling excessively to come across as friendly is another example. Perhaps laughing at the jokes of others as this is what others are doing even if you do not understand the joke or if you don’t find it funny. Agreeing to do things as this is what you feel is expected of you with an instant regret when you realise the huge disparity between expectation and ability. You might even watch that TV show that all the office is talking about just so you feel a bit more ‘in the loop’ and better equipped to engage in chit chat in the staff room. You may force yourself to speak at times when you do not feel like you want to speak. You may be desperate in your bid not to be centre of attention to comfortably sit on the periphery of group conversations. You try and contribute to conversation but might overshare or introduce something quite randomly.
Masking – hiding true elements of yourself.
Masking is any strategies used to hide autistic characteristics or portray a ‘non-autistic persona.’ This could include adjusting your facial expression and body language to appear confident and/or relaxed or forcing eye contact when it does not feel comfortable for example. You may hide repetitive hand and finger mannerisms that bring you comfort and help you to regulate for fear of being judged. You may not want to share your interests for fear of being judged or mocked. You may have sensory preferences such as liking the feel of certain materials or items but do not feel you are able to engage in sensory seeking behaviours in front of others. You might like certain words and want to repeat these over and over again or enjoy giving a running commentary on things happening around you, however you may inhibit these and only want to do them in the privacy of your own home. Having observed the world around you for so long, you have come to realise that there are some elements of yourself that you feel unable to share with others. You might supress your feelings and reactions to certain scenarios, you might not feel comfortable to share your interests with your peers as they are atypical, quirky and do not follow trends.
How is this deduced in an observation assessment?
Of course, the experience of the clinician delivering the assessment is crucial in them being able to spot potential masking and camouflaging traits. However, there will be tell-tale signs that an experienced clinician may potentially spot, such as an exaggeration of gestures, body language or facial expressions.
Due to their being an understanding and expectation that eye contact is appropriate in a one-to-one interaction, this can often be superficially determined as socially appropriate, however a trained clinician would spot if direct eye contact is avoided, or if the client is looking at a selected focal point close to the eyes or indeed focuses more of their eye contact on the assessment material rather than to the clinician.
As camouflaging is a means of ‘performance’ and as such requires rehearsal and practice, there will be some tasks and questions that an individual will not have prepared for in advance and so can catch people ‘off guard.’ The ability to perform and use learnt strategies at this time is more difficult.
Social responses can have a repetitive feel to them as if copied or mirrored from others with some people using ‘stock phrases’ as a means of answering a direct question in a superficial way. Speaking with an enthusiastic and ‘jolly’ tone is often used as a means of hiding how someone is actually feeling during the assessment. Perhaps what they are saying is not congruent with the facial expression being used.
Suppression of strategies that an individual relies on such as repetitive finger movements can result in a client needing to sit on their hands, fiddling with items of clothing or having a more rigid body posture.
As is common with camouflaging behaviours, a client will general automatically assume people pleasing tactics and will not want to come across as too controversial in their opinions. They might ‘go along with’ the clinician’s suggestions or answer questions in a way they think the clinician would want them to answer.
Self-reporting of camouflaging behaviours
The observation assessment is one part of the overall autism assessment. You will have an opportunity to self-report difficulties you or your child face when socially interacting to others in the developmental history assessment. For example, within the workplace, it could be that you have a select few work colleagues with whom you are able to converse, you appear to be more confident that you actually are, you may play a ‘professional role’ in the workplace which actually aids you to be more assertive. You might suppress your reaction to things that overwhelm or overstimulate you such as not having the same desk at work (‘hotdesking), having tasks sprung upon you last minute or having to work with colleagues on a joint task. You might have exposure to multiple stimuli and by the end of the day, feel the need to withdraw and have minimal engagement with others. During this part of the assessment, you may disclose the impact of camouflaging for long periods of time such as needing long periods of time to recuperate due to feeling exhausted.
Your child might spend the majority of their spare time social isolated as way of charging their social battery. They might be angry and dysregulated when they come home from school due to being on their last reserves. When in a safe space, they may feel better able to show true elements of themselves which might be that they need time to regulate such as engage in their hobbies and interests for long periods or seek movement and physical activity. On the contrary, teachers may report that the child is quiet, compliant, friendly and polite with no obvious difficulties being observed in school. Often, this is evidence of the success of an individual perfecting the art of camouflaging.
What is the impact of camouflaging?
It is probably best understood as a three-part performance; your preparation before the performance, the actual performance itself and then the post debrief and rumination afterwards. This requires a lot of mental effort. No doubt you feel tired and social interactions can seem unappealing and you might prefer to spend your spare time engaging in hobbies and interests that have low social demand attached to them. As such, you are able to give them all your time and attention and it could be there are subjects, sports or hobbies that you have skills in, in depth knowledge and excel in as a result.
Critiquing your social performance is a common feature of camouflaging; despite all of your effort, you might still get it wrong, and this can have an impact on your mental health. People can also enter into a negative thought cycle about themselves and their abilities; have low self-esteem and confidence and feeling as though their ‘true self’ is not enough.
The impact of suppressing your own true self for a prolonged time can lead to an ‘identity crisis.’ You may feel confused about who you are and what you are about as you have spent a lifetime perfecting your ability to fly under the radar and to ‘fit in.’ You may question if you are actually a naturally empathetic person, what your interests actually are as you have spent so long looking outwards to others to take their lead. You no doubt feel lonely and lost. Many clients report that they adopt masking and camouflaging techniques amongst their friends and family, even partners. There is a vulnerability of exposing all of your inner workings and the fear that you will be judge by those who love you. This may result in you feeling very lonely and seeking time engaging in solitary hobbies.
For some neurodivergent people, the idea of social camouflaging is new to them. Instead, they may have spent several years understanding their use of coping strategies and techniques as being just something that all people do to manage the impression they present to others (sometimes referred to as impression management). However, impression management and social camouflaging are different concepts.
Many autistic people often report that social camouflaging is more than just an extreme version of impression management. Social camouflaging often involves actively planning and coordinating the underlying parts of verbal and nonverbal communication and the showing or inhibiting of culturally acceptable behaviours. In contrast, impression management is a more general and short-lived attempt to be seen by others in positive ways. An underlying drive for many people who have high levels of social camouflaging is a sense of ‘threat’, for example, the threat of being rejected by others or seen as ‘less than’ others. Impression management on the other hand tends to be driven by a desire to be seen as good and likable.
Another area of difference is the felt ‘distance’ the person experiences when engaged in social camouflaging compared to impression management. When managing first impressions, the person tends to still feel that they are behaving in ways close and consistent with who they are as a person; it is still very much ‘them’ and feels this way to them. Many autistic people have shared that when using high levels of social camouflaging, the experience feels so far away from who they typically are and their sense of self; this can lead to the identity crisis explained above.
What is recommended?
Think of ways you or your child can ‘top up their Smarties’ so to speak (similar to ‘The Spoon Theory’). Think of it as an individual needing to have their tube of Smarties topped up throughout the day in order to function socially. For neurotypical people, seeking social experiences may keep their Smartie levels maintained. However, for an autistic person, Smarties will quickly deplete. How can you top them up?
- Choose an assessment team, like Jo Condon Autism Assessments, who are knowledgeable and experienced in assessing the different ways that social camouflaging may be part of your or your child’s profile.
- Create environments where you can be unapologetically yourself. Even if this is the car journey to work, take the opportunity to listen to music you want or to appreciate the small things in life that bring you joy. Make sure your child has space in the home where they are able to relax and decompress such as their bedroom.
- Engage in the things you love and that help you regulate yourself.
- Be honest with yourself about your limitations so that you can be honest with others.
- Surround yourself with people who are understanding of your preferences. For example, friends who do not place too many social demands on you or friends who do not expect you to respond to messages straight away.
- Think about how best to get social space from others when at work or at school; this might be not using the staff room at break time and instead going for a walk or listening to music in your car. If your child is at school, they could access the library at break; the environment should be quiet and generally people do not talk. They could focus more on a task at break such as walking the perimeter of the school field with a friend.
Further reading:
- Willey, L.H. (1999) ‘Pretending to Be Normal: Living with Asperger’s Syndrome’
An autobiography of a woman who, after years of self-doubt and self-denial, learned to embrace her Asperger syndrome traits with thanksgiving and joy. Includes helpful coping strategies and guidance, based on the author’s own experience, for a range of situations.
- Belcher, H (2022) ‘Taking off the Mask’
A useful book to help you discover the situations in which you mask the most and why, alongside a range of techniques to relieve anxiety and reduce stress. This guide gives you all the tools and confidence you need to reconnect with yourself, the things you love and finally, take off your mask.
- What Is the Spoon Theory Metaphor for Chronic Illness? Cleveland Clinic.
