Introduction
Communication is at the heart of every relationship. For autistic children, however, communication may develop differently and may not always follow the social expectations that non-autistic people are used to. Some autistic children communicate using spoken language, while others communicate through gestures, visual supports, sign language, writing, Augmentative and Alternative Communication (AAC) systems, or a combination of methods.
A common misconception is that autistic children do not want to communicate. In reality, most autistic children communicate regularly, but the way they express themselves and understand other people may differ. Research increasingly suggests that communication difficulties often arise from a mismatch between autistic and non-autistic communication styles rather than a lack of desire to connect.
Learning to adjust your communication style can improve understanding, reduce anxiety, strengthen relationships and help autistic children participate more fully in everyday life.
Why Communication Can Be Different in Autism
Autism affects social communication and interaction, but this can look very different from one child to another.
An autistic child may:
- Understand language literally.
- Need longer processing time.
- Find complex language difficult.
- Struggle to interpret facial expressions or tone of voice.
- Have difficulty understanding implied meanings.
- Communicate through behaviour when they cannot express themselves verbally.
- Experience sensory overload that affects their ability to communicate. 【
Importantly, communication difficulties are not the same as intelligence difficulties. Many autistic children understand far more than they can express.
Adapting Your Communication Style
Adapting your communication style and thinking differently about how your autistic child communicates with you can help with communication, interaction and understanding. There are some general themes that can help your child to better understand and interact with you:
Use Clear and Concrete Language:
One of the most effective communication strategies is to make language as clear and specific as possible.
Autistic children often find direct language easier to understand than vague or abstract language.
For example:
Instead of: “Can you hurry up a bit?”
Try: “Please put your shoes on now.”
Instead of: “Listen to me”
Repeat: “Put your toys away”
Clear language reduces uncertainty and helps children understand exactly what is expected.
Avoid Figurative Language and Sarcasm:
Many autistic children interpret language literally.
Figurative phrases can be confusing, so avoid terms such as:
- “Pull your socks up”
- “Hold your horses”
- “Don’t put your foot in it””
- “It’s raining cats and dogs”
Similarly, sarcasm can be difficult to understand because the spoken words and intended meaning do not match.
When possible:
- Say what you mean.
- Avoid hidden meanings.
- Be explicit in your communication.
This does not mean you can never use humour, but it helps to be aware that certain forms of language may require additional explanation.
Give Extra Processing Time:
Many autistic children need additional time to process spoken information.
Adults sometimes unintentionally ask a question and then repeat it immediately or ask another question before the child has had a chance to respond.
Instead:
- Ask one question.
- Wait.
- Allow the child time to process.
- Avoid filling the silence.
Research has shown that communication improves when adults adapt to the child’s processing needs and allow opportunities to respond.
Reduce the Number of Words You Use / Break Instructions Into Smaller Steps
Longer instructions can be difficult for an autistic child to process and respond to, especially if they are upset or overwhelmed.
You can help by:
- Using shorter sentences.
- Giving one instruction at a time.
- Highlighting the key information.
For example:
Instead of: “When you’ve finished your game, I’d like you to go upstairs, brush your teeth, put your pyjamas on and then come back down.”
Try: “Finish your game”, then “Brush your teeth” and then “Put your pyjamas on.”
Breaking information into manageable steps often improves understanding.
Support Spoken Language with Visuals:
Many autistic children process visual information more easily than spoken information.
Visual supports may include:
- Photographs.
- Symbols.
- Visual schedules.
- Checklists.
- Written instructions.
- Timetables.
Visual supports can:
- Improve understanding.
- Reduce anxiety.
- Increase independence.
- Help children anticipate what will happen next.
Research consistently supports the use of visual strategies when communicating with autistic children.
Avoid Chit Chat and Engage with Interests:
Social chit chat can be difficult for autistic children, who may not understand the point of small talk or may worry about what they are expected to say. Instead, try to engage them in conversations relating to their interests.
Children are far more likely to engage when communication involves:
- Their favourite activities.
- Things they like to collect.
- Their special interests.
Naturalistic communication approaches encourage adults to join the child’s focus of attention rather than constantly redirecting them. These approaches have been shown to support social communication development.
For example:
If a child loves dinosaurs, communication opportunities can be created through dinosaur books, games and conversations.
Analyse Your Child’s Behaviour Patterns:
Not all communication is verbal. Autistic children tend to communicate less with typical non-verbal communication, such as gestures or facial expressions; however, they may be trying to communicate via their behaviours. Become curious and try to work out if your child is trying to tell you something from the way they behave. For example, if they try to run away, could they be letting you know that they are scared or overwhelmed?
Do not Force Eye Contact:
For neurotypical people, eye contact is often a sign that the other person is listening or paying attention. For autistic children, this is often the opposite. For many autistic children, eye contact does not come naturally and often feels uncomfortable. If told to make eye contact, the child will need to focus on this, and they will then find it harder to listen to you. Remember, we listen with ears and not eyes, so avoid saying, “Look at me” when communicating.
Be Aware of Sensory Overload:
Communication becomes much harder when a child is overwhelmed.
If a child is experiencing sensory overload, they may:
- Stop responding.
- Become distressed.
- Need time alone.
- Have difficulty processing language.
In these situations:
- Reduce verbal demands.
- Move to a quieter environment.
- Use visual supports if helpful.
- Allow recovery time.
Trying to interact with an overwhelmed child is often ineffective because their ability to process language may be temporarily reduced.
Recognise Alexithymia:
Alexithymia refers to difficulties identifying and describing emotions, including one’s own. It is recognised that alexithymia is common in autistic individuals. If your child experiences alexithymia, avoid talking about emotions unless absolutely necessary. Questions such as, “How do you think that made him feel?” can cause confusion and anxiety.
Conclusion
Evidence suggests that clear language, visual supports, predictable interactions, use of alternative communication methods and following a child’s interests can significantly improve understanding and engagement.
Most importantly, communication is a two-way process. Rather than expecting autistic children to communicate exactly like non-autistic children, positive outcomes are often achieved when adults make adjustments too. When we adapt our communication style, we create opportunities for autistic children to feel understood, valued and able to express themselves in ways that work for them.
References
Tager-Flusberg, H., Paul, R. and Lord, C. (2005) ‘Language and communication in autism’, in Volkmar, F.R., Paul, R., Klin, A. and Cohen, D. (eds.) Handbook of Autism and Pervasive Developmental Disorders. 3rd edn. Hoboken, NJ: John Wiley & Sons, pp. 335–364.
Eigsti, I.-M., de Marchena, A.B., Schuh, J.M. and Kelley, E. (2011) ‘Language acquisition in autism spectrum disorders: A developmental review’, Research in Autism Spectrum Disorders, 5(2), pp. 681–691.
Wetherby, A.M., Watt, N., Morgan, L. and Shumway, S. (2007) ‘Social communication profiles of children with autism spectrum disorders late in the second year of life’, Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 37(5), pp. 960–975.
Schreibman, L., Dawson, G., Stahmer, A.C., Landa, R., Rogers, S.J., McGee, G.G., Kasari, C., Ingersoll, B., Kaiser, A.P., Bruinsma, Y., McNerney, E., Wetherby, A. and Halladay, A. (2015) ‘Naturalistic developmental behavioural interventions: Empirically validated treatments for autism spectrum disorder’, Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 45(8), pp. 2411–2428.
Kasari, C., Freeman, S. and Paparella, T. (2006) ‘Joint attention and symbolic play in young children with autism: A randomised controlled intervention study’, Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 47(6), pp. 611–620.
Siller, M. and Sigman, M. (2002) ‘The behaviours of parents of children with autism predict the subsequent development of their children’s communication’, Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 32(2), pp. 77–89.
